-- By Arulnambi K.
Amma’s mother’s family hailed from a village called Elugamvalasu near Dharapuram. My ammachi’s (maternal grandmother) mother died soon after giving birth to her. When her father decided to remarry, her father’s younger brother, Sinnappa Gounder, a dynamic and very respected person in those parts, decided to adopt Ammachi as his own daughter. He wanted to shower his care and affection on this young child who was motherless. He never married.
Tirupur Ayyan (Sinappa Gounder) Sinappa Gounder was the kind of powerful personality whose steadfast values, honesty and spiritual demeanor commanded the respect of everyone in those parts. It was said that a thousand villages would vote for whomever he asked them to cast their votes for. For someone who led a very ascetic-styled personal life, he was also a dynamic businessman. At some point, he relocated to Tirupur, a town that even then was well on its way to being the textile industry hub that it has been for decades since. He took his young niece with him as well. They were father and daughter as they lived their lives in the new town. Ammachi got married to my grandfather, who apprenticed in Sinnappa Gounder’s cotton merchant business, and would eventually fully make it his own after his passing many years later.
Eventually, Ammachi’s father and stepmother sent their three children to live with their uncle as well, and they all grew up in that very patriarchal household with Sinappa Gounder (who came to be known within the family, their friends and acquaintances as “Tirupur Ayyan”) as the family head who commanded as much respect (and fear even, with his penchant for discipline) within that household as in the outer world. Ammachi was the lady of the house, and that came with massive responsibilities to keep everyone fed and all the other duties of a large household. She was always busy, and many years later, she would speak about all the things she would do daily - taking care of her own children, her step siblings, her husband, her aging uncle/adopted father, and even cooking large numbers of meals for the hermits and priests Tirupur Ayyan would decide to bring home suddenly to feed.
Amma, the first of her parents’ children, was born into this family dominated by the towering Tirupur Ayyan. She became his favorite at a very young age, shining academically in school, showing the utmost respect to her elders, looking up to them and always trusting them to do what was not just in everyone’s interest, but always what was morally right. A lot of these qualities were inborn, but Amma’s moral values, sense of duty and uprightness were massively influenced by Tirupur Ayyan - not just by listening to what he had to say, but also by observing how he lived his life. And to her, his approval was the ultimate complement.
I found many handwritten notes while going through my parents’ papers and belongings after they had both passed away. Among them were a couple pencil-written and fading but precious pages where Amma mentioned her two role models - (1) Tirupur Ayyan, and (2) her mother. The notes were in Tamil, and I translate:
“I consider my number one role model to be Tirupur Ayyan (my maternal grandfather). He quoted the following Thirukkural at the time of his passing:
“வையத்துள் வாழ்வாங்கு வாழ்பவன் வான்உறையும்
தெய்வத்துள் வைக்கப் படும்.“
(Living a virtuous family life on earth leads one to be honored among the divine.)
He did not speak much. But the few words he spoke were succinct and cutting, etching into memory. For example, he had this to say about a relative: Oh, him? He’s someone who holds a light in his hand and (still) falls into a well.
From a young age, growing up as his first grandchild in our home, he had a big impact on me.”
Amma’s original note in Tamil:
[வாழ்க்கையில் நான் ‘model’ ஆக எடுத்துக் கொள்பவர்கள் (1) திருப்பூர் ஐயன் (எனது அம்மா வழித் தாத்தா). இறக்கும் தருவாயில் அவர் சொல்லிய வார்த்தைகள் - ‘வையத்துள் வாழ்வாங்கு வாழ்பவன் வான்உறையும் தெய்வத்துள் வைக்கப் படும்.’ என்ற குறள்.
அதிகம் பேச மாட்டார். பேசும் சில வார்த்தைகள் நறுக்குத் தெரித்தாற் போல் மனதில் பதியும். உதாரணம் - ஓர் உறவினர் பற்றிய அவர் கருத்து: “அவனா? Lightஐப் பிடித்துக் கொண்டு கிணற்றில் விழுபவன்.”
சிறு வயது முதல் வீட்டில் முதல் பேரக் குழந்தையாக அவருடன் வளர்ந்ததால் என்னில் அவர் தாக்கம் அதிகம்.]
In 2016, about a year after Amma’s passing, Thambi and I visited Amma’s Subramaniam Uncle (Ammachi’s half/step brother) in Elugamvalasu. That was the first time we were meeting him after our parents had passed away. He was emotional, calling them a “divine couple” (தெய்வத் தம்பதியர்), who could not be parted even in death. He felt Amma had a power of personality that pulled Appa to her even from the beyond. He called her “the true heir” to Tirupur Ayyan and his legacy, noting that in his opinion, nobody else lived up to Tirupur Ayyan’s values and moral strength like she did.
Today, a full ten years after Amma left us, I reflect on Amma, her moral and spiritual strength, and the legacy she left us. I am thankful for all her love, her uprightness, and feel blessed that I have had a role model like her, the worthy heir of the legendary Tirupur Ayyan, towering over us all in her own way - physically diminutive, but an unforgettable giant in our hearts.
Eventually, Ammachi’s father and stepmother sent their three children to live with their uncle as well, and they all grew up in that very patriarchal household with Sinappa Gounder (who came to be known within the family, their friends and acquaintances as “Tirupur Ayyan”) as the family head who commanded as much respect (and fear even, with his penchant for discipline) within that household as in the outer world. Ammachi was the lady of the house, and that came with massive responsibilities to keep everyone fed and all the other duties of a large household. She was always busy, and many years later, she would speak about all the things she would do daily - taking care of her own children, her step siblings, her husband, her aging uncle/adopted father, and even cooking large numbers of meals for the hermits and priests Tirupur Ayyan would decide to bring home suddenly to feed.
Amma, the first of her parents’ children, was born into this family dominated by the towering Tirupur Ayyan. She became his favorite at a very young age, shining academically in school, showing the utmost respect to her elders, looking up to them and always trusting them to do what was not just in everyone’s interest, but always what was morally right. A lot of these qualities were inborn, but Amma’s moral values, sense of duty and uprightness were massively influenced by Tirupur Ayyan - not just by listening to what he had to say, but also by observing how he lived his life. And to her, his approval was the ultimate complement.
I found many handwritten notes while going through my parents’ papers and belongings after they had both passed away. Among them were a couple pencil-written and fading but precious pages where Amma mentioned her two role models - (1) Tirupur Ayyan, and (2) her mother. The notes were in Tamil, and I translate:
“I consider my number one role model to be Tirupur Ayyan (my maternal grandfather). He quoted the following Thirukkural at the time of his passing:
“வையத்துள் வாழ்வாங்கு வாழ்பவன் வான்உறையும்
தெய்வத்துள் வைக்கப் படும்.“
(Living a virtuous family life on earth leads one to be honored among the divine.)
He did not speak much. But the few words he spoke were succinct and cutting, etching into memory. For example, he had this to say about a relative: Oh, him? He’s someone who holds a light in his hand and (still) falls into a well.
From a young age, growing up as his first grandchild in our home, he had a big impact on me.”
Amma’s original note in Tamil:
[வாழ்க்கையில் நான் ‘model’ ஆக எடுத்துக் கொள்பவர்கள் (1) திருப்பூர் ஐயன் (எனது அம்மா வழித் தாத்தா). இறக்கும் தருவாயில் அவர் சொல்லிய வார்த்தைகள் - ‘வையத்துள் வாழ்வாங்கு வாழ்பவன் வான்உறையும் தெய்வத்துள் வைக்கப் படும்.’ என்ற குறள்.
அதிகம் பேச மாட்டார். பேசும் சில வார்த்தைகள் நறுக்குத் தெரித்தாற் போல் மனதில் பதியும். உதாரணம் - ஓர் உறவினர் பற்றிய அவர் கருத்து: “அவனா? Lightஐப் பிடித்துக் கொண்டு கிணற்றில் விழுபவன்.”
சிறு வயது முதல் வீட்டில் முதல் பேரக் குழந்தையாக அவருடன் வளர்ந்ததால் என்னில் அவர் தாக்கம் அதிகம்.]
In 2016, about a year after Amma’s passing, Thambi and I visited Amma’s Subramaniam Uncle (Ammachi’s half/step brother) in Elugamvalasu. That was the first time we were meeting him after our parents had passed away. He was emotional, calling them a “divine couple” (தெய்வத் தம்பதியர்), who could not be parted even in death. He felt Amma had a power of personality that pulled Appa to her even from the beyond. He called her “the true heir” to Tirupur Ayyan and his legacy, noting that in his opinion, nobody else lived up to Tirupur Ayyan’s values and moral strength like she did.
Today, a full ten years after Amma left us, I reflect on Amma, her moral and spiritual strength, and the legacy she left us. I am thankful for all her love, her uprightness, and feel blessed that I have had a role model like her, the worthy heir of the legendary Tirupur Ayyan, towering over us all in her own way - physically diminutive, but an unforgettable giant in our hearts.
RSS Feed