-- By Dr. Indira Raghavan
[ Dr. Indira Raghavan was a former colleague and very close friend of Dr. Kanthimathi. They worked together for many years, did their Ph.D. research together, and had a very close friendship that spanned four decades. A memorial meeting was organized in Chennai on February 18, 2015 by Dr. K. V. Kaliappan, Dr. Kanthimathi's husband. Dr. Kaliappan was also the Ph.D. co-guide to the two friends. The following is the English transcript of Dr. Indira's tribute to her friend in that memorial meeting. The audio of the speech, which was delivered in English and Tamil, is included in the YouTube video below. ]
[ Dr. Indira Raghavan was a former colleague and very close friend of Dr. Kanthimathi. They worked together for many years, did their Ph.D. research together, and had a very close friendship that spanned four decades. A memorial meeting was organized in Chennai on February 18, 2015 by Dr. K. V. Kaliappan, Dr. Kanthimathi's husband. Dr. Kaliappan was also the Ph.D. co-guide to the two friends. The following is the English transcript of Dr. Indira's tribute to her friend in that memorial meeting. The audio of the speech, which was delivered in English and Tamil, is included in the YouTube video below. ]
Dear friends, I have come here with a very heavy heart. I never thought…. When Dr. Kaliappan told me that there would be a condolence meeting this evening, I was mentally very disturbed. I am just standing in front of you with a very heavy heart. I never thought that I would be attending such a sad occasion…. without my friend. We have gathered here… to share our memories and perception about my friend Kanthi. Three to five minutes is not enough for me to tell about our 40-year friendship. She was 28 years old, and I was 33 years old, when we both met and joined in North Madras (College). From that day till date, we remained as good friends. I can tell you everyone in my family…. Sorry, excuse me…. Everyone in my family used to love Kanthi. She was an extended family member. I shall just share with you one or two instances about her. The time is too short. I have to give opportunity for everyone to talk about her.
This will be news to my professor, Dr. Kaliappan (Kanthi's husband). She was an ardent admirer of her husband. I will quote one small incident. Aravinth (Kanthi's younger son) would have been 9 years old at that time. He was studying in Don Bosco. So, the professor and Kanthi used to go and pick up both their son in the evening from the school. Kanthi told me about this incident that happened one such time when they had gone to pick up their sons. The bell had rung, and all the children ran out. There was a big stone lying in the pathway where the students exited. All the children ran around that stone. Dr. Kaliappan was watching from his car as Aravinth also ran up. He stopped, looked at the stone, picked it up and placed it on the side of the pathway and then ran to the car. Dr. Kaliappan, after seeing this, said to Kanthi, "This is love for fellow human beings. See how he did not just run around but removed the stone from the path. That's great." Upon hearing her narrate this, I told Kanthi, "It's natural, he's your son!" But Kanthi disagreed. She said, "No, Indira, all the good qualities of my sons came from my husband." She said it so proudly.
Kanthi would share so much about Arulnambi and Aravinth, how she was parenting them, and so many stories about them.
There was another incident she shared with me as she was greatly moved by it. It was in 1980, I think, when she had loss of pigmentation in her fingertips. She was very upset and shared her feelings with me. I said to her, "Kanthi, we are scientists. This is not a disease. This is just loss of pigmentation. Just forget about it. Ignore it. Don't even look at your fingers. Don't bother with it at all. We will do our work."
Kanthi said, "Sir (she would refer to her husband as sir when she was mentioning him to me) is also saying the same thing. He said, 'Why are you so upset about this (trivial) thing? When I see you upset like this, I wish this problem had come to me instead.' Who would get a husband like this, Indira? I must be really blessed." I said to Kanthi, "What (real) worries do you have? Be happy. See how much courage and confidence he is imparting to you."
I will narrate one more incident and then close as I don't want to take much time. There's so much I could talk about.
I was doing my Ph.D. and Dr. Kaliappan was my guide. I was close to finishing it - in about 10 months. We were going to submit the synopsis and so forth. At that time, I lost my husband in a tragic accident. I was 46 years old. I was totally shattered. I could not write my thesis, could not concentrate. Why should I study anymore? Why should I get a Ph.D.? My husband had helped me so much. I started telling people I was not going to finish it. At that time, Kanthi helped me a lot and Dr. Kaliappan helped too. I could not drive my car. My hands had started shaking. Both of them came to my house for 10-15 days and talked to me. They would say, "You can drive, right? We'll go in our car first and you should drive your car by yourself and follow us. You can drive. You are a very courageous girl. Don't get so upset," and encouraged me.
I would sit in the department in our college and cry a lot. Kanthi said, "You have to finish your Ph.D. I just want to say one thing: கனவுகள் எல்லாம் நனவாகும், நிறைய காயங்களுக்குப் பிறகு (Dreams will become reality, after many injuries). Remember that." When I see her poems now… I lost my husband in 1990. What she said at that time is still in my mind. I recall it often. When I face a difficulty and it gets resolved, I think of what Kanthi said then: "கனவுகள் எல்லாம் நனவாகும், நிறைய காயங்களுக்குப் பிறகு." I said to my mother after I heard Kanthi say it, "Amma, Kanthi let fly a poem today. After hearing it, I feel so encouraged."
I can talk about a lot of incidents like this. One cannot get a friend… like this. I cannot express how close we were. We would talk daily. She would talk only after she had wrapped up all her daily family duties and I would wait until then. When I called, I would ask her, "Kanthi, are you busy. Can I call after a half hour?"
In college, whatever was the work that was going to be allocated, whether it be the principal or the head of the department or the other staff, they would say, "Put Indira, Kanthi together (as a team)," and we would do it together. I am 5' 8", and she was short, but we were not conscious about that height difference at all. Everyone would remark that we did not even need to look up and down at each other when we were speaking. She would not look up and I would not look down but we would be talking to each other and going our way busily. We were that much in sync with each other and that close to each other.
I am not able to bear her loss, but only God can give the professor and her children (she would refer to her children as her மக்கள் - makkal) the courage they need to bear this. I am sure her soul will stand in support of me, her family and her close friends.
This will be news to my professor, Dr. Kaliappan (Kanthi's husband). She was an ardent admirer of her husband. I will quote one small incident. Aravinth (Kanthi's younger son) would have been 9 years old at that time. He was studying in Don Bosco. So, the professor and Kanthi used to go and pick up both their son in the evening from the school. Kanthi told me about this incident that happened one such time when they had gone to pick up their sons. The bell had rung, and all the children ran out. There was a big stone lying in the pathway where the students exited. All the children ran around that stone. Dr. Kaliappan was watching from his car as Aravinth also ran up. He stopped, looked at the stone, picked it up and placed it on the side of the pathway and then ran to the car. Dr. Kaliappan, after seeing this, said to Kanthi, "This is love for fellow human beings. See how he did not just run around but removed the stone from the path. That's great." Upon hearing her narrate this, I told Kanthi, "It's natural, he's your son!" But Kanthi disagreed. She said, "No, Indira, all the good qualities of my sons came from my husband." She said it so proudly.
Kanthi would share so much about Arulnambi and Aravinth, how she was parenting them, and so many stories about them.
There was another incident she shared with me as she was greatly moved by it. It was in 1980, I think, when she had loss of pigmentation in her fingertips. She was very upset and shared her feelings with me. I said to her, "Kanthi, we are scientists. This is not a disease. This is just loss of pigmentation. Just forget about it. Ignore it. Don't even look at your fingers. Don't bother with it at all. We will do our work."
Kanthi said, "Sir (she would refer to her husband as sir when she was mentioning him to me) is also saying the same thing. He said, 'Why are you so upset about this (trivial) thing? When I see you upset like this, I wish this problem had come to me instead.' Who would get a husband like this, Indira? I must be really blessed." I said to Kanthi, "What (real) worries do you have? Be happy. See how much courage and confidence he is imparting to you."
I will narrate one more incident and then close as I don't want to take much time. There's so much I could talk about.
I was doing my Ph.D. and Dr. Kaliappan was my guide. I was close to finishing it - in about 10 months. We were going to submit the synopsis and so forth. At that time, I lost my husband in a tragic accident. I was 46 years old. I was totally shattered. I could not write my thesis, could not concentrate. Why should I study anymore? Why should I get a Ph.D.? My husband had helped me so much. I started telling people I was not going to finish it. At that time, Kanthi helped me a lot and Dr. Kaliappan helped too. I could not drive my car. My hands had started shaking. Both of them came to my house for 10-15 days and talked to me. They would say, "You can drive, right? We'll go in our car first and you should drive your car by yourself and follow us. You can drive. You are a very courageous girl. Don't get so upset," and encouraged me.
I would sit in the department in our college and cry a lot. Kanthi said, "You have to finish your Ph.D. I just want to say one thing: கனவுகள் எல்லாம் நனவாகும், நிறைய காயங்களுக்குப் பிறகு (Dreams will become reality, after many injuries). Remember that." When I see her poems now… I lost my husband in 1990. What she said at that time is still in my mind. I recall it often. When I face a difficulty and it gets resolved, I think of what Kanthi said then: "கனவுகள் எல்லாம் நனவாகும், நிறைய காயங்களுக்குப் பிறகு." I said to my mother after I heard Kanthi say it, "Amma, Kanthi let fly a poem today. After hearing it, I feel so encouraged."
I can talk about a lot of incidents like this. One cannot get a friend… like this. I cannot express how close we were. We would talk daily. She would talk only after she had wrapped up all her daily family duties and I would wait until then. When I called, I would ask her, "Kanthi, are you busy. Can I call after a half hour?"
In college, whatever was the work that was going to be allocated, whether it be the principal or the head of the department or the other staff, they would say, "Put Indira, Kanthi together (as a team)," and we would do it together. I am 5' 8", and she was short, but we were not conscious about that height difference at all. Everyone would remark that we did not even need to look up and down at each other when we were speaking. She would not look up and I would not look down but we would be talking to each other and going our way busily. We were that much in sync with each other and that close to each other.
I am not able to bear her loss, but only God can give the professor and her children (she would refer to her children as her மக்கள் - makkal) the courage they need to bear this. I am sure her soul will stand in support of me, her family and her close friends.
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