-- By Aravinth K.

​January 13th is my beloved mother's birthday. I remember some lessons which we learned in the way she brought us up and which I hope and pray that I can implement myself.

Nutrition 
My mother truly believed that the human body is the temple that houses the more precious soul and spirit. From the earliest days, I remember her researching, asking, learning and implementing good nutrition in our diets as my brother and I were growing up. There was an abundance of the essential minerals, vitamins, carbohydrates, good fat and protein in our diets. I remember eggs in the morning on most days, three glasses of milk a day, yogurt at least once, if not twice a day, nuts, fruits, multiple vegetables, etc. There was at least one freshly cooked meal a day for us from someone who worked full time and many perceived discomforts on her part to ensure all of this, including cooking fish or chicken for us during the weekends despite being a vegetarian herself. Her flair for cooking and her ardent interest in experimenting in the kitchen made even the not so pleasant tasting but good for you type foods find their way into our bellies.

Exercise
She would enroll us in tennis classes, karate lessons, etc. as she felt exercise for the physical body needed to be accompanied by the mental discipline that comes from repetitive techniques and respect for others that is taught in pursuing martial arts. Disinterest or discouragement that we faced because of not being naturally athletic did not faze her. She let us go to these classes till we got enough of what we needed from them before she was fine with us pursuing other things.
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Educating us outside the classroom and helping us develop a reading habit
This was without question one of her most valued skills and required all of the extraordinary patience she was capable of with me. Reading 1000s of books to us, explaining the pictures EVERY night from our toddler years to when we could read for ourselves, developed our fascination for stories, pictures and books that was the foundation of our reading habit. Countless trips to both private and public libraries, bookstores, book fairs and an almost unlimited budget when it comes to purchasing books for us both to educate us and to reward us was instrumental in making us hungry for information and entertainment through the written word. To this day, a book continues to hold more fascination for me than most forms of entertainment or sources of information, due to this invaluable habit that she helped us cultivate.

 -- By Aravinth K.

Despite being a complex person, my mother ("Amma" in Tamil) lived, loved and expressed love that touched everyone from a baby to an octogenarian in a simple way. In our entire family, Amma transcended cultural norms in establishing an immediate connection which was beyond being friendly. How did she do it?

1. A genuine and compassionate interest in the other person.
2. 'Listening is Loving' - To listen is to love.
3. Sharing from her heart about her family, mainly about her sons and their childhood, and connecting with people on the basis of her sincerity versus just her ability to relate.

When talking about Amma's love for all of us, I have to refer to her role models and her relationship with them. My father ("Appa" in Tamil) often said that a certain amount of who you are in life has got to do with who you pick as role models in life. I agree, but with an adage of my own. Who you pick as role models are most effective when you share a close relationship with those roles models - a mutually reciprocal love and affection.

There is a quote that we (my wife Priya and I) use often: "People do not care how much you know till they know how much you care". I think Amma could just sense this from VERY early on with Tirupur Ayyan (my mother's paternal grand uncle) and Amuchi (my maternal grandmother).

An incident in mid-January of 2015, during the last stage of her illness, illustrated the kind of all encompassing parental love she had even during the most trying times. She was struggling to drink the ayurvedic ("Ottamooli") medicine after lunch. It was very bitter. I was telling her various techniques of how she could be maybe ignore the aftertaste, such as by holding some honey in her mouth.  She got frustrated with me and told me that unless I go through it how could I talk about it. I challenged her that I could drink a mug of it without honey right there before her. At once she panicked in the fear that I would act on it and subject myself to it. She drank the medicine and kept it down in that instance, knowing that I would not have to try it. To me, this small act defined her sacrificial love for her sons and her husband.

The greatest testament of unconditional love is the sheer magnitude and selfless nature of such love in being able to focus on the well-being of others while going through personal torture. Amma illustrated that time and again with us, with our cousin sister, with her nurses, and with EVERY single visitor during her last few months. I saw her focus moving from her condition to their current affairs, well-being and family on numerous occasions.

The second greatest testament of her loving example is her duplicating herself through our family and our extended family. My Amma's biggest duplicator is without question my brother. The obvious traits are the intense intelligence, academic ability, cleanliness, detail-oriented organization, ability for close and quick forming relationships with kindred spirits, Agape love for son (Appa called him 'Thayumanavan' - father capable of motherly love!) and a completely non-judgmental attitude that even outshines Amma. 

Even more challenging was the influence she had on my dad - vegetarianism (less challenging for him) to actual less sweet intake and healthier food habits, pushing him further than his comfort level on long walks and her crowning achievement of his going from no prayer to meditating for others and following some rituals just out of sheer respect for her. To earn the love of a spouse is easier than to earn their respect in my books. Amma not only earned Appa's respect for her early, but she did it in spectacular fashion as a parent, wife, social companion, and as a working professional.

I honestly feel that when Amma sent us to the US, she got an opportunity to envelope more people with her Agape Love. She had an opportunity to know and understand Appa and influence him more. I do not think anyone on this earth is created to show compassion and affection to a select few. It would have been a crime and extremely selfish for only our immediate family to have experienced the full width and depth of Amma's generous and unconditional love.

I would like to finish with this thought. Amma's constant wish for her sons was "ஈன்ற பொழுதினும் பெரிதுவக்கும் தன் மகனைச் சான்றோன் எனக்கேட்ட தாய்" (a mother feels more joyous when she hears the world praise her son as wise and good than when she gave birth to him). There have been some small instances when I have been able to show my Amma glimpses of that. My daily prayer as I see this quote in my mind's eye everyday is that, in addition to this, her legacy of unconditional love and compassion for all lives on through us.

​When Mahatma Gandhi was once asked what would be the one message that you would share with all the world, his simple answer was, "My life is my message". Simply put, Amma's message to the world among many things was her love and the ability to express the same.

 -- By Aravinth K.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
   - Aristotle

Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.
   - Steve Jobs

Amma (Tamil for mom) to me was the true example of doing the simple and ordinary things in an extraordinary way. She had a source of energy that was bottomless for doing things not just well but stood head and shoulders above the crowd. She knew she always could improve in things she pursued with passion and had no qualms about seeking out information or input.

I felt that this wanting to perfect and not be perfect, to excel, was the core reason for her boundless curiosity for information - be it her chosen subjects of science (biology, nutrition, health) or the culinary art. She discussed these with us and also those she felt had acquired the credentials to give her new input. I have seen her rapt attention in listening to someone who was in general considered an authority in the medical field. Her respect for physicians was consistent unless they gave her a strong reason not to!

Second best was not an option and I remember the one incident when my Anna (Tamil for elder brother) actually allowed a classmate to share the number one rank for academic performance for a single trimester in high school. She was so not fine with it and could not understand how he could let someone catch up. 

In our time with her, in her last few weeks right around her birthday (January 13, 2015) were some of our biggest lessons on what a keen mind could focus on and not slip on standards established through an entire lifetime. I had baked a cake for her with white rice flour using zero residue food ingredients due to diet restrictions imposed by her illness. It turned out more like a dense Indian sweet dish with no fluffiness to it. Barely able to eat, she still critiqued and discussed it on how I could have done different things to make it better! What a profound lesson in standard of excellence in whatever one does and regardless of what the situation is! Salutations, Amma. We will hold this lesson close to our hearts and live up to it!